January's gone.

I can't believe how a month had passed. January is practically gone. Just like that, like a blink of an eye. And what have I done so far? Nothing much. Nothing productive. Nothing worth to even mention about. Progress? Hah.

I deserve a slap on the face after today. I really do. Only a page essay for timed assignment? There's no excuse this time cause time is not to be blamed. My slow writing, my inability to brainstorm fast and bullshit my way off, my poor language, and the messed up points in my indecisive head. That pretty much sums up the reasons behind my fucked up one paged essay.

That's not all. The Maclaurin test on the last period. How can I not remember that damn standard formula after practising on it just weeks before? I think out of the 25 minutes paper, I could only get that measly 2 marks for that simple shown question.

This serves as a reminder to me. Of how complacent and ignorant I've been for the month of January, ah heck, the previous months as well. And today, I can say that I'm demoralised for the first time this year. I guess this was the 'feeling'. The sense of hopelessness, the dispirited sensation, that my persistent gp tutor kept insisting we should feel in order for us to start our engines roaring. And how true he is.

From today onwards, I will be a better student. I will not be a sloth that I am and (I hope) was, and mug hard. I will do whatever it takes. And I know its gonna be hard cause saying it all is easy really, but to take action is a hundred times harder.